Change

Everyday, I find myself so stupid and dumb. I make stupid decisions, faults and other matters, frustrating as it is but I admit, every night before I go to sleep, I always think about how I spent my day, and I find it so pathetic for my self and frustrating too because I wasted lots of opportunities, wasted too much time for nothing and the fact that I'm getting older but still I had less achievements. Yeah right, I'm not born with a silverspoon in my mouth, my freedom was taken away from me, I have to watch my moves every now and then because my family always look at me negatively. Yes, I'm not perfect, I am wild, I am rebellious, I am stupid and dumb and lazy and all, but behind those adjectives that people described me, behind it are the deepest hurts, frustrations, depressions, negativism of my mind, negative outlook in life and tears that I hid behind their backs; my bed, my pillows, my room and GOD are the only witness of my frustrations, confessions of my sins and all the crazy stuff that I've been doing. My parents think of me like I think of myself as perfect, they thought I don't listen to their advices and they look at me like I am always a rebellious child, but then they just don't realize, my heart is pure to help them in everything, I listen to their advices but I do absorb them discreetly, I am not rebellious, I just wanted to experience life at its fullest, I know what I'm doing, I am capable of my actions, of my sins and all the errors that I have been doing. I know... I know... 'Coz I am always being reminded by them everynight, before I go to sleep, they even haunt me in my dreams, even in the busy day of my life, I am reminded by it. GOD knows that I am totally a sinner, I am not perfect and I kept on committing the same mistakes over and over again, but I do confess my sins before GOD, I acknowledge my sins before HIM and asks forgiveness from HIM. But one thing they don't know, I listen to them, and that my heart is pure and true and sincere.

How can they see the change in me when they look at me negatively? How can I prove to them that I really changeD? Sometimes, I chose to be silent rather than talk, but lately, I chose to talk rather than to be silent because with all the hurts and pain that I have within me, I am already bombarded with it, my heart is too heavy and sometimes talking back finds relief, 'coz even if they don't listen to me and the words that I am saying to them, but at least I was able to express how I feel towards them and defending my self, is somehow the only way for me to regain strength after everything.

I am sorry for my dear parents and my siblings whom I have caused pain. I admit I made a lot of mistakes to you guys but then, if you guys only knew, I've been regretting all those, I listen to your advices, but in return, just please take time to listen to me. Just listen, I won't beg you to trust me, take good care of me, understand me, but just listen., only listen. I'm fine with it. I am sorry, I am not perfect, I am rebellious and I want my freedom. That's all..

Job interview (part time)

OMG! Honestly, I thought my night would be a disaster. But then, thank GOD, they gave me a chance. I mean, this job really matters to me. This is already a big opportunity and I don't think I will let this slip away. Out of millions and billions of people who were unemployed, and here I am, the opportunity is knocking on my big door, and letting it slip away is totally a waste. You see, 120 per hour is huge enough already. Enough for me to be able to pursue my plans for that money and for some reasons, because I am supporting myself all alone. I have lots of plans for that money, if by GOD'S will be given a chance to be accepted, first things first, I will get mingming's motorcycle so that commuting will no longer be a hassle for the both of us and also, so that we can now start saving at least a little bit. And next on the line, my wants and his wants. Not to mention I still have to buy him a new slippers because his slippers is already damage as he calls it. And of course, my wants like buying a new pair of jeans, shirts, tops, sandals and of course bag, and also a new wallet. I wanted to save my extra money in the future so that by the time I need a little extra, at least there's something to pull out in my pocket. And so, even if its that tiring, having a part time job is totally compensating. You get to use your extra time for an extra money. See? That's the advantage of having a part time job at the comfort of your own home. That is why, I am totally praying that by GOD'S will, I will be accepted by this offer and hopefully, I would be able to finance my needs and at the same time wants. :)

Wish me good luck for my final interview. And may GOD BLESS ME... :) Love lots!! XOXO

Congratz zal!!!

Finally! Another superfriend of ours graduated from college!! Woooohoooo!!! I would just like to congratulate one of my best bud, Ms. Rizalyn Solamo for graduating the course of Bachelor of Science in Nursing! We are so proud of you zal.. It's the start of your career already.. The responsibility is passed on to you.. And your next step? Review, take and PASS the Board Exam! You can do it zal! You and cy2x can make it! We'll pray for you.. Just hold on tight, trust in HIM and lay all your worries to the LORD for HE will take care of you.. :)

Anyways, just remember my dear best bud, that we are here, we will support you and we'll be praying for you! A superfriend is only one take in the Board Exam! You can do it! Just don't mind the other people.. :) Stay positive! LOve yah!! Thanks for the party!!

And here are some of the pics during her graduation party @ her crib!

Jobless career...

Ok... Summer.. summer. summer.. paved its way.. And of course, this means, hitting off the beach, cozy cold drinks, having a tan, sunblock, shades and of course, vacation! What a great summer if we can go somewhere only to relax and have fun! Would that be great? And yeah of course, with nothing to worry about, no hassles and stress to spoil the entire summer.

But then, speaking of summer, a month already came, its April already but still no job?! OMG.. ! You see, I'm totally impatient of not having a job! I feel useless by all means. My cousin who promised me this job is still left deadly hanging. No news or whatsoever! I feel so impatient because I don't want to be forever stuck in our house with nothing to do but watch our store?? heller, I should be working already but still I feel that am useless, doing the same old routine and nothing new! dUH! Sorry but I am so tired of waiting. Why can't they tell straight to my face that they don't want me in, rather than leave me hanging in the air, letting me expect this job but then its deadly nothing. Sorry for being mean but then how can I move on with my life if I kept on waiting for nothing? I should have moved on with my plans already but still nothing happens.

April just started, hoping somehow, I can move on with a new career and new hopes, not being stuck here for nothing. I feel useless and a burden.

Sorry.. Sorry.. Sorry.. I am just expressing what I feel.. Phew.. Till here... Gud nyt!!!

Happy hippie 16th monthsary

It's our birthday! Yep.. It's our 16th month of togetherness.. Can you imagine? I mean, we had undergone lots of obstacles and tests in our relationship but still here we are, we just celebrated our 16th monthsary. Oh common, if you only knew what we've been through, you can actually say that we won't go this far, but then, really, 1 year and 4 months? Well, I'm happy that we somehow passed the tests of our relationship, we hold tight to each other's promise of not to let go and no matter how many fights we have had, still we're holdin' on. And no matter how fed up I am with his attitude, still I'm holdin' on.. Obviously, yep, we're both holdin' on. :) and that's the promise that we kept no matter what.

Gifts are no longer a big issue for us, I mean, material things are just plainly material. What matters to us is the time being spent together and the bond we had as a couple. Slowly but surely, we knew each other's strength and weaknesses, and the good thing is that, we accept each other's weaknesses. :) So, since I wasn't able to give him a gift during valentines, I decided to give him a ring (which is actually one of the items that we were selling in our store) and a simple letter. It doesn't really cost that much but what matters is that the thought that really counts. :) Anyways, hope he likes it. :) Till here! Just want to update my blog for the status of my lovelife. :)

Till here! Au revoir! Lotsa lovin!!! mwah! mwah!!!! much love!!!