Too sad to be true

And finally, the moment of truth, the result of the board exam for Nursing for November 2009 has already been released. Thanks to Kaye, who tagged some of her friends in the Facebook that made me aware that the results has already been released. And so, without further hesitations, I rushed my self to the PRC site and went to the letter S in which it is arranged alphabetically, and then excited to see somehow the name of my best bud, but when I was almost there, when I saw a surname almost near to her surname too, I felt warm, my excitement was replaced with frown and I felt goosebumps, I was starring at the pc screen like a comatose patient, I couldn't move any muscles in my body, I couldn't speak nor utter a single word. I was totally down and I realize that I was shaking. I just don't know what to say. Instead of starring at it the whole hour, I jumped from another page to see if my other 2 friends were there, but unfortunately, neither of them passed too. I was so shocked. I just don't know what to say, what to react. A lot of things been bugging me like what should I do? Should I comfort them now? Or is it better to comfort them later knowing that they've been having a tough time at the very moment? Should I text or chat? Or send message perhaps? I was really really having a hard time trying to figure out what to do. And then in an instant, I checked my friend's YM and found out that's she's not online but she logged on to SMS.

So I sent her a message and my message was kinda weird in a way that I sounded I-don't-know but its really weird and here's how my message goes: "Hey best bud (name), I miss you so much... Feel free to visit me here, to unwind yourself at least at this very moment. Let's have fun, I know its just a temporary escape but at least you get to relieve yourself with all the stress that you are facing right now. Just a couple of days will do. I'm here... Though I'm not there to comfort you physically but be strong. I miss you and love yah best bud (name) always.. **** message sent ******

And there was my text. And then, to my surprise she replied and here's here reply:
"Hey tahl. You don't have to worry about me, I'm not alone, there are many of us who failed. hehehe.. Don't worry, you've comforted me already even if it's just like this. I'm ok. I miss you. Love yah.

And those were the last exchange of messages. Even up to now, I just don't know how to comfort her, I mean I can only imagine how hard it is for her or them, I've never been in that situation so I can't really say that it's ok 'coz it was never okay to fail nor its never good to say ok 'coz honestly its not. And that's it.. Even up to now.. I feel sad for them....

UPSET!

I'm upset and frustrated. Frustrated for a fact that the next leave will be for June and upset for a fact that my team is selfish, they've been getting all the leave slots and they have this policy for our our LOB that one agent per day only. OMG! That's why, its as much as I want to go back home, I just can't because the leave are first come first serve. Sorry but I am so upset. I wanted to resign but at the same time, its not advisable because I still have lots of priorities and I have lots of responsibilities to take care, I have to pay for the credit card, my needs, my wants and a lot more. I'm so upset... I'm grinding my teeth now and I so wanted to punch everyone out. Seeing their faces makes me feel upset even more, I want to go home now.

On the other end, I know its my fault in the first place. I shouldn't be here working but rather in Cebu. If not for my stupid decision to go here and be independent. Life here is really tough and independent life is really not that easy. I so wanted to go home, if not for my priorities

I wouldn't be here now. It sucks! Grrrrr.....

Anyways, I miss a lot of events in Cebu. Wayback January 17th, I missed the Sinulog fun, I miss my family, I missed the event when my dog gave birth, I missed when Booky knew how to bark already, I missed the changes in our house and the renovation, I miss my friends, hanging out and bond with them, our late night gimmicks, I miss staying up late in my room, I miss everyone out and to top it all, I badly miss Cebu.

I wish I can go home anytime soon.. :( I so wanted to go home.. I'm dying to be back home.. :(

And I'm closing my doors for possibilities that I'll be able to go back home, because there are no slots for leave already and there is no way for me to use all my leave slots because its good as thank you for that. Stupid! I know there are no space for possibilities and I'm being pessimistic about it because it is sooo true. Over my dead body.

I'm too upset to say goodbye.. Grrrr

Grumbling stomach ***ouch***

I've been quite busy with my board now and somebody else's board too. As usual, handling branch L6Q, not too many calls but then I was the back-up of Xave for 487 and Eds is the back-up for 499 but unfortunately, they went lunch together so I have to back-up the 2 branches 487 and 499 in which I'm not really familiar with but anyways, good thing I was able to work on it and no miss tat though. Happy shalala--- its so nice to be happy...

Moving on, I'm not really in the good mood today. My stomach just ache and its really painful. I feel so bloated and my body feel so warm inside. It seems like I'm going to be sick. Really.. No kidding. But so far, time is fast approaching and my shift is about to end jst 1 hour and a half more.

***ouch**** my stomach really hurts..

Yikes

I just came back from lunch, and I was the back-up for 487 coordinator. Since the last time I checked it, there was no call, so I sneak to look at my facebook and my blog when all of a sudden my pc just hung up or stopped. I don't know what to do so I pressed the black button (restart) and it did restart, but it did not entered to the log in icon, but it needs setup and a password. Gosh I really dont know what to do, I was nervous knowing that I've been accessing my facebook and internet as well and I wasn't able to clear the cookies, history and certificates. If the IT guys will check it out what might have caused the hung up, then they will discover or trace what I did earlier just like surfing the net which is a big NO NO.. It was really frustrating and since no matter how I try to press any button, still it won't work, now I have no choice but to transfer to another station, another pc. Boy I wish by tomorrow it will be back to normal. I pray that they won't be able to trace my web details and setting. I'm scared.. I might have a warning for using internet.

And so, here I am, using Lora's station, far from the social friends and in the corner all alone. Anyways, since I forgot to log out my facebook there, I automatically log in here and log in to my blog as well to share my experience. No calls yet, board is not busy and wasting time surfing the net.

On the other hand, its 12:37 pm already and time runs fast. Two days more and its already my off. Phew... Excited to have 2 days rest. Looking forward for this week to end.. Yipeee....

I guess I have to end up here. Got nothing more to say. Byebye everyone!! Lotsa lovin'!!!

My shift is about to end. Another day, time is fast approaching..

Phew.. My work doesn't really stress me at all. Unlike other accounts from other call centers, though sometimes or most of the time it is stressful but everything will be worked on. I mean, everything will be done accordingly, all solved and less hassles at the end of the day.

Anyways, working here means no pressure. I get to enjoy my free time surfing the net (which is not allowed-but hardheaded as we are) and I get to use my time searching for facts, reading E-book and chatting with some friends and lastly, playing games which I enjoyed the most.

It's been my first time for this year to actually blog again. It feels like weird but I missed it.

Anyways, got to go.. I have all the time in the world now, everything done and I need to kick my own butt out of here now! hahaha

Buhbye!! Au revoir!! Seize the day everyone.. mwah!! mwah!!