I feel so disturbed these days. I just don't know how to explain it in the right way. I'm confused. I've been thinking a lot of things lately. By the way, I thank you for our date last Sunday, I'm so happy to be with you, I was able to talk to you, we sung praise and worship songs together, and we rejoiced, and the burden in my heart was kinda lessen. I know that you are the answer from the start, I know just by talking to you these burden of mine will be lessen. Life is tough but even though how tough life is, you were always there for me. I know I did a lot of mistakes but still you helped me. I'll never stop thanking you for all that you've done to me. I also pray to those people that surrounds me, may you help them and guide them too, may you hear their prayers as well (I know you too blessed them). Thank you LORD.
Anyways, yesterday, I went shopping but sad to say, I wasn't able to buy something for myself. I bought 1 Polo for mingming and 1 white formal shoes, 1 polo top for Jacob, 1 white top for Mye, 1 fashionista top for mama and 1 Polo shirt for papa. I'm glad 'coz at long last I was able to buy something for them even though I wasn't able to buy something for myself. Now, my problem is about money. Lord, I know that you know that mingming doesn't have a work, I'm worried 'coz I'm the one who financed our everyday needs. I'm not really blaming him for what he did 'coz its not his fault but its a burden in my part. For 6 months working as a call center agent, still I wasn't able to save and buy a lot of things for myself, its either him, them or us no ME. :(
Sad to say, this shouldn't be happening in the first place, 'coz he's the guy, of course he's supposed to be the one who will finance everything or should be both shared by us, but it turned out to be the opposite. But I know, that there should be an equal sharing, fair square. But that never happened.. :(
Got to move on. Everyday, I blamed myself why I let it happened. But there's nothing I can do. Past is past and we can never bring back history. They say, learn from your mistakes, but for me? It doesn't really apply that much, 'coz I keep on comitting the same mistakes over and over without learning from them.
I'm so sorry.. I love you LORD. I love you with all my heart. The problem here is that I'm loving too much that it already hurts. +_+
I know you love me