Missing...

Another day has passed already.. I thought it would be over for that fight.. But still... It's getting nowhere but end.. I haven't receieved any text, or call or even a message droppin' by... Am I that important to him? Or am I still important in his life? (T_T).. Yesterday, I could no longer help it, so I bawl... I cried.. and cried.... I thought today will be much better.. but then.. it's getting worst... I wanted to text him, but then.. I just want to see if I'm really that important to him.. 'Coz all our fights, as far as I could remember, I'm the one who will always start asking for sorry or reconciliation... But this time, its quite surprising 'coz I let my pride rule myself too..Honestly speaking.. I'm so dying to hear from him. Even text that says ok or any emoticon, that will be ok for me... But no sign from him yet... I'm so sad... Depressed.. I just don't know what to do.. How can I concentrate when it's him that I've always thought of? I just couldn't understand as to what I am reading... Few days left and I'll be away for a while.. I don't want this to happen to us.. If time will come that I have to leave, I wanted to have a peace of mind, a reconciliation not silence..

What did I do? I waited for him, but what? He never showed up.. T_T I never want this to happen... I really hate it.. I thought he's different, 'coz its what he would always prove to me.. But then, he's not... He's just the same... same like any other guys I've met.. They're just gonna step into my life, make me fall so hard and suddenly would leave me hanging.. Why do they have to do this? Why do they have to make it hard for me? (T_T)....

It's so hard to pretend that I am not hurt, but the truth is that I'm totally hurt... Here at home, I pretend that everything's normal when in fact, that I'm almost dying... I tried to control my emotions but when I'm all alone, I cry... WHy do I have to feel this pain? Why do you have to hurt me this deep? And why do you have to walk away without leaving a word? What did I do to you?

Lot's of questions, but no single answer came up... I sometimes wish he would surprise me at home with big smile on his face, a warm tight hug and kiss oh so tender and sweet.. I've come to realize, especially now... I guess that's too impossible to happen.. After all what had happened.. I just have to live with my dreams.. 'coz now, it's only in my dreams where I could hug him tight, kiss him nonstop and hear the words "I love you" from his mouth... And if that would happen, I never would want to wake up.. Maybe just maybe, I wanted to have deep sleep forever.... (T_T) Reality check: It's too impossible to happen already... But they said... you should never lose hope.. You have to have faith..

But one thing I know now... I am hurt... And I so wanted to cry... I badly want to see him, hug him and kiss him, not just only in dreams but in reality... (T_T) (sigh)....

Terrible day

Today, was one of the worst days of my life.. I've waited for someone and didn't even show up. I was totally devastated.. It's ok for me to wait, I can wait no matter how long but assuring that person will be comin'. I waited for nothing... I wasted my time there waiting only for nothing.? Come to think of it.. Isn't it stupid? How many times I let someone wait for me, but in the end, I'm sure that I will be showing up.. But what he did, he never came.. I even begged for him, because I badly need to see him.. All the long wait, hunger, boredom and pain in the feet will be okay as long as he will be there.. But he never came. He let his pride rule him... T_T... He already bid goodbye as for now... I guess this will be the start for the two of us not seeing together, so that we won't be missing each other badly by the time I'll be in the review house.. But I guess, its a bit too early to say goodbye..

I admit.. I really wanted to stop him, be with him no matter what, be by his side while there is still time.. But he's pushing me away already.. He even left me final words of encouragement or was it? I don't know... I went home straight and while I am inside the van, I didn't noticed that my eyes are bursting out with tears already... and then... tears started to fall... Thank God the van was very dark.. nobody saw me crying.. I cried not because I waited for nothing, I cried because he let his pride control over him.. (again...). Can't he not swallow his pride? (T_T)....

Now, hours had passed, not even a text came from him. Even though he left those farewell words, still, I'm hoping... Hoping that someday he would give up his pride or might as well lower it down.. It would only destroy him.. and the people he love... I wanted to see him before I go.. If only I could... I hope so... (T_T)

So, like what the image says, it might be a terrible day for me today, but tomorrow it will never be the same.. And I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a good one... Maybe.. with or without him.. But I even wish that I'll be with him... Till then... goodbye.

Officially!!

Finally!!! At last!!! I am now officially a Junior Member!! Wohoooo!!! This calls for a celebration!! Victory!! For many times I tried posting and posting and replying to the threads, joining such topics and answering some where-in-the-world-questions, now, I can proudly say, my effort has been paid off! (Phew)....

Actually, you may not be able to relate of what I am saying here, but of course, I wouldn't be too selfish not to share anything to you.. It goes like this.. There's this site (Philippine based only), that gives you the access to buy, sell or trade stuffs and others... It's like an E-bay in U.S or Amazon perhaps.. But what facinates me the most is that most of the users comin' from Cebu. So there would be no shipping hassle. But there's one thing about this site, it's just that, inorder for you to sell some of your stuff( may it be new, used, or whatever..), you have to become an active member first, and so.. since I am very hesitant to sell some of my used and unused stuff, I really worked hard in order for me to become a Junior Member, and just 2 days earlier, I was finally able to make it! Weeeeeeeee.... I'm so happy... :)

I know, it sounds so shallow, but you see, little things can make me happy... :) And now that I'm already a big part of it, I just couldn't imagine myself selling some stuffs and doing meet-ups.. I kinda remember myself way back when I was still a newbie. And this is it. And lastly, before I became a Junior member, I had lots of plans on what to sell and everything, but now that I am already into it, things are like runnin' out of my way.. But it's ok.. For me, what really matters is that I got what I wanted already... I'm happy and contented with it already.. :)

So, I guess, I'll end up here.. Just want to share my excitement and happiness, who knows, you probably had experienced what I had experience, at least, we can share times ten happiness and excitement as well.. Got to go.. My butts kicking me off here.. Take care!!!

Insecurities

"Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner)." We all do have our own little insecurities. Ayt? I mean, we are not perfect human beings, even models have their own insecurities too. Honestly, I am also insecure by others too. But how do we handle our little insecurities? How do we deal with them? I guess, we all do have different coping strategies on how to deal with insecurities, may it be beauty, school, work, family, or even LOVE. Oh common, we all undergo that feeling wherein we feel less confident about ourselves, or we feel intimidated about the others, or sometimes the other way around. =)

I've read an article by Nellie Graham, it talks about how to overcome insecurities, and he made mention that "Insecurities are bad thoughts that should be eliminate in order to bring out the best of ourselves." And as I've read in his articles, he cited some mantras that you can say to yourself over and over again only to overcome these insecurities.

So, here are some:

1. I won't make any situation perfect – We tend to be afraid that everything would not turn out right if we approach someone we are attracted to, but how would we know if we don't pursue at all? Not everything would be perfect, but at least we can try to learn from it. You need to take out the pressure you unnecessarily built on yourself.

2.I am not shy – Shyness inhibits you to explore more about your potential in dating. Take the risk and get to know people. You can start by greeting your neighbors or the convenience store attendant. Slowly build your confidence.

3.I created my own insecurity – Remember that most of your insecurities have no meaning nor reason at all. They merely exist because you let them roam around your head.

4.I have the power of what I think and feel – Do not let anyone or anything control that power that only you possess. You have the power to choose whether to feel bad or feel good about yourself. If you want to live a good life, which would you choose?

Say these things to yourself in front of the mirror everyday so that insecurities will be washed away. Remember, insecurities do come and go and its all up to you if you let them stay in your mind. Look, at least be optimistic, feel good about yourself and feel great. Try not to compare yourself with the others, we are all created uniquely, so better bring out the best in you. Face the world, and tell the world how beautiful you are.

I know it's not that easy, but just have a little patience and faith in yourself. You can do it. If others can do it, why can't you. And now I'm talking, as if I'm not Ms. Little Insecure too. That's how I call myself. Bitter it may sound but surely its definitely true. Well, its me and its all I could ever be..