Another day has passed already.. I thought it would be over for that fight.. But still... It's getting nowhere but end.. I haven't receieved any text, or call or even a message droppin' by... Am I that important to him? Or am I still important in his life? (T_T).. Yesterday, I could no longer help it, so I bawl... I cried.. and cried.... I thought today will be much better.. but then.. it's getting worst... I wanted to text him, but then.. I just want to see if I'm really that important to him.. 'Coz all our fights, as far as I could remember, I'm the one who will always start asking for sorry or reconciliation... But this time, its quite surprising 'coz I let my pride rule myself too..Honestly speaking.. I'm so dying to hear from him. Even text that says ok or any emoticon, that will be ok for me... But no sign from him yet... I'm so sad... Depressed.. I just don't know what to do.. How can I concentrate when it's him that I've always thought of? I just couldn't understand as to what I am reading... Few days left and I'll be away for a while.. I don't want this to happen to us.. If time will come that I have to leave, I wanted to have a peace of mind, a reconciliation not silence..

What did I do? I waited for him, but what? He never showed up.. T_T I never want this to happen... I really hate it.. I thought he's different, 'coz its what he would always prove to me.. But then, he's not... He's just the same... same like any other guys I've met.. They're just gonna step into my life, make me fall so hard and suddenly would leave me hanging.. Why do they have to do this? Why do they have to make it hard for me? (T_T)....

It's so hard to pretend that I am not hurt, but the truth is that I'm totally hurt... Here at home, I pretend that everything's normal when in fact, that I'm almost dying... I tried to control my emotions but when I'm all alone, I cry... WHy do I have to feel this pain? Why do you have to hurt me this deep? And why do you have to walk away without leaving a word? What did I do to you?

Lot's of questions, but no single answer came up... I sometimes wish he would surprise me at home with big smile on his face, a warm tight hug and kiss oh so tender and sweet.. I've come to realize, especially now... I guess that's too impossible to happen.. After all what had happened.. I just have to live with my dreams.. 'coz now, it's only in my dreams where I could hug him tight, kiss him nonstop and hear the words "I love you" from his mouth... And if that would happen, I never would want to wake up.. Maybe just maybe, I wanted to have deep sleep forever.... (T_T) Reality check: It's too impossible to happen already... But they said... you should never lose hope.. You have to have faith..

But one thing I know now... I am hurt... And I so wanted to cry... I badly want to see him, hug him and kiss him, not just only in dreams but in reality... (T_T) (sigh)....


Jackie Richardson said...

Hi Itahl,

Thanks for looking at my blog and leaving a comment. I really enjoyed your comment. I like to make friends and meet new people. When I read other's blogs about their life, I feel I am getting to know them better. You get to know how people feel about themselves, others and life in general. What others are like and what their interests are.

I was reading your post about how your boyfriend hurt you. I know how you feel about what you were talking about. It really hurts to be in love. Your heart, your soul and your whole body is in pain. When you eventually put yourself in the correct frame of mind, you eventually get over the pain. Sometimes you gotta put some space between you and your boyfriend. If he really loves you and misses you, he will be back. If he doesn't really love you he will be gone. It just wasn't meant to be. After the pain stops, you move on and find someone else. Might be better than the one you currently love. That's the way it happens sometimes.

Your friend,

Jackie Richardson said...

Hi Krystal,

You're very welcome. I know being in love is one of the worst hurts that someone can go through. It hurts you mentally and physically. When the hurt is over you can hopefully think about what direction you want to go. I have seen it in my own life and with my own kids who go through ups and downs in their love lives.

I will tell you one thing. You are young and try to enjoy your life before you settle on that one love of your life.



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