2012 with a broken heart

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! I admit, this is an expired blog post but it's better late than never. I wanted to make a difference because somehow as I checked the updates of the bloggers that I followed, exactly on NYE, they were posting their 2012 blog posts. And this will be quite different. If you're going to ask me how my NYE was, I can say that it's unusual. If everyone had fun during their NYE, mine, I had my heart broken. While everyone is busy for their Noche Buena (feast) or preparing the fireworks, I was busy crying and weeping and bawling. I welcome 2012 with a broken heart. Sad to say, it's as much as I want to forget that my heart was broken, moving on and letting go really takes time. Even up to now, I am still in the process of denying that my relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years has ended. I am still fighting for my relationship, trying to save everything, but then the other person already gave up.

Honestly, I am still healing as of this moment. I admit, the pain is excruciating. There are times that for no reason at all, I felt like crying and suddenly, without me knowing, tears are already welling up my eyes and they're starting to fall, tears per tears. I won't give up without a fight but what if the person whom you're fighting for already gave you up that easily, that the person I'm holding on to has pushed me away. Will you still choose to stay or rather it's time for you to go away? 

I gave up. I wanted to hold on to my relationship, trying to settle it, giving it another try but it's going to be useless. I love him so much that I have to set him free. I don't know how long will I feel this pain but I cling and hold on to GOD that I know someday, this pain will be gone. That I no longer have to suffer for I have sacrificed enough. I prayed and prayed and prayed every single day, I talked to GOD every single hour, every single minute, every moment that I have. As much as I don't want to think about it but I just can't help. Every memory, every moment, everything reminds me of him, of us especially that our love have been blessed with a little angel. 

All I ever wanted is a complete family. Born and raised in a family oriented parents, I was taught that the great foundation is our family. And now, it hurts the most that my dream of having one has perished. Seeing my relationship torn apart has greatly affected me the most. I can pretend that I am okay, I can keep it all by myself, but at times, especially when I am alone, I can't help but cry, a lot. I have so much bitterness and hate in my heart and I want to clear it out once and for all.

Prayers. I badly needed GOD to help me go through with this pain that I am feeling. I needed your prayers for GOD to give me strength so that I could move on and let go with it. I could no longer take the pain.

So for the boyfriend-who-broke-my-heart and for the girl-that-you-chose-over-me, hope you both are happy. I hope our common friend, KARMA won't hurt you. And as for 2012, I'm looking forward to a better me, together with my little one, bright career, and a better future. 

Time heals a broken heart. A scar in my heart taught me a great lesson in love. To let go and let GOD.

I welcome 2012 with a broken heart yet I'm hoping this year won't end still with a broken heart but with an open mind and a forgiving heart. I'll try to think positive thoughts and keep myself busy if possible. And to end this one, whatever tragic experiences that we are facing, someday, somehow, there will come a time that everything will be alright, in GOD's perfect time.